In the Moment

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I walk down a path
of sand and stone,
through the narrow opening
(yes, that same one)
into a wide blue welcoming rush
of wind and water and
tiny drops of ice.

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I look up at the sky
my hand on the shovel,
the bag with the log,
the fuel and the lighter,
the picture of the red woman,
the flower.

I search in the sand for hours
digging and digging,
giving up then starting all over again
sweating in long moist trails
that cover my face in mud,
my eyes sting, my mouth is dry,
the taste of salt and tears
guiding me to search.

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I find
and then I set it to burn,
burn, burn, burn

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I let the fire consume the altar
while the woman watches,
an explosion of energy that burns
through my chest
and threatens to overwhelm me.

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"Pan, Pan
Go Away...
Come back
to play,
Another Day..."

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Fire outside
around me
within me
fire at my skin
fire at my eyes,
fire, fire
let it burn.

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As the remains break down
to ashes, sperm and tears,
I raise my shovel,
and cover the altar in sand.

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I leave the red woman there,
with the flowers.

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I walk away singing,
as I look back at the blue infinity...

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...that has been quiet all along.

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